Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
