Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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