the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
