who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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