So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
