so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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