my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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