Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
