Soap is not a condiment
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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