Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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