I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
