my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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