Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
