I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
