I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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