Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
