i love accidental penises.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Randomize
