She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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