is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
