Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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