i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
