We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
there is glitter all over my balls
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
