Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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