just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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