There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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