Hey man sorry I got all grabby
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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