Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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