Im at strip club and am horny
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My penis needs a shock collar
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
