I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
