We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
