She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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