She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
