I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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