my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize