I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
