i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize