i just google imaged poop.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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