Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Someone signed my nipple.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
