What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
