theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
