I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
