You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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