Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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