the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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