I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My vagina is officially offended.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
