Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
