Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
