his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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