I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
