Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm like, not good at living.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize