Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
