hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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