Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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