Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
