I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
