i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize