fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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