i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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