We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
