That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
