Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
