i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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