I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
