If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize