cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
