I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
