I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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