You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
