I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
