Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
