Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize