The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
