I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she peed on how many people?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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