I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
birth control should be required to get into college
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
