i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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