im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize