Grow some girl-balls and come out already
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
