I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
