butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
