call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
