real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
