Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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