Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize