I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
