I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
