Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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