eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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