The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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