She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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