She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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