i don't like sucking hair
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
