He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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