she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
