pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All the doctor said was why
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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