The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
